Our good friends at Fleshbot put together a holiday shopping guide of the top 10 sex toys of 2009. I agree with most of what’s on the list, but I wanted to see what you think.

1. Form 2

2. Sqweel

3. Contour Q

4. Finger Tingles

5. Bloomy

6. Imperial

7. Bolero Straightjacket

8. Tenth Anniversary Tristan Butt Plug

9. OhMiBod Freestyle

10. The Real Touch

I actually think The Real Touch should be closer to the top. Missing from this list are some of the amazing glass toys that came out this year. Beyond that, it’s a pretty good list.

The whole “green” movement is way over the top. I don’t buy into the global warming crap anyway, but now everything has to be “green”. Being “green” is good. This eco-crap is now making its way into our fucking bedrooms and I’m not having it.

Being “green” makes me see red. If you’re the kind of tool who only buys “green” sex toys that are good for the planet — you should be shot.

Buy whatever sex toy you fucking like and don’t worry about how fucking “green” it is. If you’re worried about your “carbon footprint” when you’re banging your old lady just give it up. You’re a total douche and shouldn’t be fucking anyone. We don’t need people like you to reproduce.

Take a look at this brand new site that launched this week. It’s hi-definition girl on girl fucking at its very finest! It’s called HotAndMean.com and it’s part of the Brazzers network.

Whenever Brazzers launches a new website you already know that whatever kind of porn it is — the quality will be second to none.

After taking a look at HotAndMean.com this afternoon, I can confirm that it’s as good as I thought it would be.

Like the other Brazzers sites, all the movies on HotAndMean are available in standard definition, HD720, and HD1080P resolutions. Honestly, the standard definition is about the highest standard def you’ll find anywhere.

It’s flawless DVD quality. the 720 and 1080 Blu-ray is so fucking sharp it defies belief. A single 1080P clip when you download it is like 3.5 GB in size, so we’re talking unprecedented clarity here people.

The movies are smoking hot too. All the best porn stars doing what they do best — fucking. Every movie pairs off a couple of grade A porn stars who proceed to stick tongues, toys, and other objects into each others holes.

Here are a few goodies to wet your whistle…

Pics:

Jayden and Taylor

Sammie Rhodes and Madelyn Marie

Liv Tyler and Nikki Benz

Shyla Stylez and Zoe Britton

Vids:

Avy and Puma

Julia and Katie

Madelyn and Sammie

Lexi and Nikki

If the wife, girlfriend, or even “gumar” has been begging you for a dildo, but you’re just a big pussy and don’t want her to have one, I have a compromise that just may save your relationship!

Adult novelty site Privacy Toys is selling do-it-yourself penis molds for making dildos, vibrators, and even candles molded from your own penis.

The appropriately named “Clone-A-Willy” kit is designed by a doctor and comes with everything you need:

Designed by a Doctor, it’s a complete kit that perfectly copies a man’s own penis in super realistic rubber. Each kit comes with easy to follow instructions and includes everything necessary to produce an EXACT rubber copy of any penis! Your finished dildo is made from a proprietary skin-like substance that is not latex or silicone, but a completely safe, non porous rubber material that is hypoallergenic & non-toxic. It’s currently being used throughout Hollywood to create incredibly lifelike masks & special effects. Unlike silicone, it WILL NOT break down when used with water-based OR silicone-based lubricants.

So there you have it! Your old lady can finally have the toy she’s been wanting and you’ll have the satisfaction of seeing your manhood memorialized like some kind of phallic shrine.

If you watch porn with any regularity there’s a very good chance you’ve seen this device before:

It’s called the Hitachi Magic Wand and it’s what makes porn sluts squirt like a broken fire hydrant. If you wanna make your old lady go fucking crazy you need to buy a Hitachi. I’ve used this on a couple of sluts and I can tell you it’s insane.

Right now, Privacy Toys has the Hitachi Magic Wand on sale for $43.50 bitches.

Privacy Toys is running a sex toy “stimulus sale” for the next 10 days. You can get 10% off for the next 10 days.

For some reason I don’t think I’ve posted anything from one of the hottest whores in the business, Brittney Skye. Not only has brittney been in porn for quite a few years, but she’s had some mainstream success as well. I honestly can’t remember specifics, but I do see on her on regular TV from time to time. That being said, the important thing is that she’s as nasty as they come in her movies, and here at the House of Sodom that’s all we fucking care about!

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When it comes to good lesbian porn, Four Finger Club has been putting out quality shit for years. There are 268 regular-res galleries that can be downloaded in a handy Zip file format. The photos look fucking great since they’re not merely vid caps but professionally shot stills instead.

If you prefer movies instead, the site offers close to 300 high resolution movies which are broken down into clips or full length scenes.

You can read the full review of this site at House of Sodom Adult Site Reviews, where it received an overall score of 91! The scores each site receives is based on user submitted reviews, so feel free to add your own review for Four Finger Club.

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Let’s be fucking honest, lesbian sites can sometimes get boring. The sluts are usually hot, but watching a girl eat another girl’s pussy really isn’t anything new or particularly exciting.

Lesbian Fanatics on the other hand is a completely different kind of lesbian site. This motherfucker is all about hardcore lesbian ass gaping action. Among the other extremely high quality videos are some of Belladonna’s best movies in which she tongue fucks the gaping asshole’s of some of the hottest sluts in porn.

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With a slogan like “Holly Makes Sluts Cry and Dicks Hard” I just had to shine the spotlight on Extreme Holly. This is a crazy bitch with big tits and damn good website.

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