I’ve never been one to bullshit you and I’m not going to start now. I own Privacy Toys. However, since it’s Halloween season I think you should be aware of the costumes we have this year. Some might consider this a shameless plug, but I don’t. When I think you can get the best deal on something somewhere I’m going to tell you about it — even if I own it.

Sexy costumes are always fun for Halloween. We have more than 800 costumes this year starting at $15. We have costumes for guys, girls, and couples. I’m not fucking joking when I tell you we have some of the lowest prices you’ll find anywhere. Stop hating on me for this plug and just check out my shit.

Guys, this is the one day of the year when your girl will dress like a total whore. Take advantage of that shit!

Check out our Halloween section for other goodies besides just costumes.

I’m all about sex toys and kinky shit. Whatever floats your boat I say go for it. However, there is some kink that I find just plain creepy — or even downright chilling. I don’t know why but I just get bad vibes from it.

Here’s the kind of shit I’m talking about:

The Dog Face Hood

The Bunny Hood

Pig Face Hood

Again, to each his own, but this shit is too weird for me. It’s like some kind of freak show horror movie. It doesn’t make my dick hard, it makes me want to run as fast as I can in the other direction.

Our good friends at Fleshbot put together a holiday shopping guide of the top 10 sex toys of 2009. I agree with most of what’s on the list, but I wanted to see what you think.

1. Form 2

2. Sqweel

3. Contour Q

4. Finger Tingles

5. Bloomy

6. Imperial

7. Bolero Straightjacket

8. Tenth Anniversary Tristan Butt Plug

9. OhMiBod Freestyle

10. The Real Touch

I actually think The Real Touch should be closer to the top. Missing from this list are some of the amazing glass toys that came out this year. Beyond that, it’s a pretty good list.

If the wife, girlfriend, or even “gumar” has been begging you for a dildo, but you’re just a big pussy and don’t want her to have one, I have a compromise that just may save your relationship!

Adult novelty site Privacy Toys is selling do-it-yourself penis molds for making dildos, vibrators, and even candles molded from your own penis.

The appropriately named “Clone-A-Willy” kit is designed by a doctor and comes with everything you need:

Designed by a Doctor, it’s a complete kit that perfectly copies a man’s own penis in super realistic rubber. Each kit comes with easy to follow instructions and includes everything necessary to produce an EXACT rubber copy of any penis! Your finished dildo is made from a proprietary skin-like substance that is not latex or silicone, but a completely safe, non porous rubber material that is hypoallergenic & non-toxic. It’s currently being used throughout Hollywood to create incredibly lifelike masks & special effects. Unlike silicone, it WILL NOT break down when used with water-based OR silicone-based lubricants.

So there you have it! Your old lady can finally have the toy she’s been wanting and you’ll have the satisfaction of seeing your manhood memorialized like some kind of phallic shrine.

If you watch porn with any regularity there’s a very good chance you’ve seen this device before:

It’s called the Hitachi Magic Wand and it’s what makes porn sluts squirt like a broken fire hydrant. If you wanna make your old lady go fucking crazy you need to buy a Hitachi. I’ve used this on a couple of sluts and I can tell you it’s insane.

Right now, Privacy Toys has the Hitachi Magic Wand on sale for $43.50 bitches.

Privacy Toys is running a sex toy “stimulus sale” for the next 10 days. You can get 10% off for the next 10 days.

I wish I was making this up, but I’m not. Take a look at this “Head O State Obama Dildo” — in “Democratic Blue” no less.

Buy it @ Privacy Toys

Forget all the cliche bullshit associated with Valentine’s day and get your woman something to spice up your love making (or fucking as the case may be). Here are some interesting gifts that could make this the best Valentine’s Day you’ve ever had.

1. Heart Throb Love Kit
2. Kama Sutra Raspberry Kiss Gift Set
3. Essence Pleasure Pak
4. Lover’s Choice Enchanted Evening
5. A bed of roses gift set in champagne bucket
6. Basket of Love
7. Lover’s choice fantasy suite gift set
8. BlowGuard
9. Adam & Eve Sampler Kit
10. Wascally Rabbit Vibrator

Listen up motherfuckers! Christmas is just around the corner and if you haven’t yet bought anything for your better half (and she is your better half) then I have a few suggestions. Why not get her something you both can use to spice things up in the sack? If your wife or girlfriend doesn’t yet have a vibrator then you should get her one. In our shop, we have every toy you could want plus a variety of costumes and lingerie.

Click HERE to visit the House of Sodom Sex Superstore

Click HERE to visit our other store called Privacy Toys

When I first saw the ad for this I thought it was some kind of joke. I suppose it makes sense technically, but who’s really gonna ask their old lady to put in her mouthpiece?